I'm Perfect.

NOT!

Yeah, I just totally went 1990's on ya! :)

But isn't this what we're all striving for?
Perfection?
Perfect body.
Perfect mother.
Perfect wife.
Perfect Christian.

That's fake.
No one is perfect.
It's superficial.
You're not seeing the real person.
The scars.
The warts.
The wrinkles.
The past.
The debt.
The emotions.
The sickness.
The addictions.
The home life.
The abuse.
The compromising.
The "what it took to get where they are".
The junk.

You don't see that. Because if you did, you wouldn't compare yourself to someone else. You wouldn't dream of what it's like to be in their shoes.
You wouldn't want their junk.
You have your own.

Ruth: yeah, she had it great, married to a rich man, great-grandmother of King David. Oh, wait--didn't her first husband die? Didn't she have to pick up scraps off the ground to survive? Is she the one that moved to a foreign country that considered her an outcast with her mother-in-law? Yeah. That's her.

Michel: a princess, born to a king, that later became a queen. She was the daughter of the chosen one of God and the wife of the man after God's own heart. Sounds pretty good, huh? Not really. She was consumed with jealousy and she was barren.

Esther: also married to a king and she was beautiful! That's how she won over her husband. But, wait--the fate of her entire nation was on her shoulders. She couldn't even speak freely to her husband without fearing death!

Rahab: saved when the walls of Jericho came down. Jesus himself is one of her direct descendants!  But when you read her name, you probably wondered why I didn't list her as "the harlot". The hooker. The woman that sold her body and NEVER, to this day, has anyone forgotten about it.

Mary: pregnant with the MESSIAH!!! How awesome would that be? Pregnant, she had to move to another country. NOT another state--country! She had her baby in a barn. She watched her son die for you---for you, to act the way you act and to live the way you live.

That mom you spy at the PTA meeting: yeah, you know her: beautiful, tan, brand new clothes on, skinny (even though her baby is still in a rear facing car seat), the one that has the beautiful family and perfect life. Her. The bulimic one. The one emotionally abused by her husband. Yep, wish I was her! Not!

What about the other mom you see? The one with the business suit on, nails done, perfect hair, one boy, one girl, luxury automobile, husband that worships the ground she walks on---depressed. She has to take a pill to get out of bed.

I have one better than that: the one that you see that seriously does have it all together--the one that is ON FIRE FOR GOD!!! And you know she is because she emanates it with every fiber of her being! She praises God for everything---even when no one is looking! She is unashamedly the epitome of what a real Christian is. She was molested her entire childhood. Still want to be her?

Not everyone's life is bad. This sounds like a chastisement, when I sincerely do not mean it that way. I mean it as a "things are not always what they seem" type deal.

Stop.
Stop trying to be someone else.
Stop it.
You are you.
Be you.
Stop being fake.
Stop pretending.
If you are constantly comparing yourself to those around you--then you don't know who you are.
Find your identity.
Start with Him.

I read this quote the other day: "Comparison is the thief of joy" - Theodore Roosevelt.
It really is.

Emotionally Something...

This post should be titled: "The Day After He Leaves..."
The last time my husband left, I found myself crying in a nice ladies office at the car dealership. 

Why? 

They had not put an air filter back onto my car correctly after an oil change, causing it to overheat five minutes after I had left. And I felt like this happened strictly because I had nothing else better to deal with! (That was in sarcastic font:) 

I walked back into the dealership, told them in my nice voice that they had screwed my car up, walked upstairs to a nice ladies office, and proceeded to have a minor breakdown. 

Yep, tears and all.  

Full blown, snot pouring, cry voice, ugly face...

Crying.

This tends to happen to me at least once, every deployment. 

The time before that: my girl accidentally spilled water on the keyboard of my new computer. No damage was done, still I cried. 

The time before that: my roof sprung a leak. Again, simple fix, but still I cried. 

The time before that: the septic backed up. GROSS! 

There's more, but you get it. 

The point: the enemy LOVES to strike us while we're down.
Everything falling apart the day after our husband's leave, is not an accident. 

Our husband's leave. 

Things happen, that he would typically handle.
How do you handle it emotionally?
Physically, we handle many things alone.
Why?
Because what choice do we have?
Emotionally, though?
The correct answer: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..."
Do we honestly believe that though?
Do we walk in that faith?
I just admitted, that sometimes I don't.
I'm weak.
I'm emotionally susceptible--especially when he leaves!
And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to handle any of it alone!
I'm a married woman!
I'm half of a whole!
I'm mom, he's dad!
WHY ME?
This is NOT the picture of marriage that I have had instilled into me, my whole life.

Is this fake picture of marriage what makes ours so hard? 

Because we can't meet that expectation? 

That's another lie of the enemy. 

Remember that. 

And grasp this:
This is your path. This is your lot in life. He knew this is where you would be before the foundation of time.
Right here, right now.
In the middle of a deployment...
In the middle of a TDY...
In the middle of a valley...
In the middle of financial struggle...
In the middle of stress and anxiety...
In the middle of a peak...
He knows.
He's in control.
Seriously.
He has a plan for you.
He knows you.
He knit you in your mother's womb.
He knew you would be a military wife.
It is NOT more than you can handle.
He's in control.

Military wife reality: we are apart at times, but we are never alone.
Remember that too.
Even when you are alone, you're not. He's there with you.
Seek Him and I promise (actually He promises) that you will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13).

Facebook

This is crazy hard for me to figure out, but apparently, somehow, I should be able to link both this blog and the facebook page/link below.
Either way, I have created a facebook page to post new updates to the blog.
Learning never ends!!! :)

Please copy and paste: (or just search for "God Assigned Military Wife")
http://www.facebook.com/pages/God-Assigned-Military-Wife/125038604307278

The Game

My husband and I play a game every time he leaves.
It's a "no name" game.
Basically, we hide notes/letters all over the place for the other to find while we are apart.
I started this game about ten years ago when he left for a TDY trip. I taped a little note that said, "I love you and I'm thinking of you" to the back of his id card.
The next time, I pinned a note to the inside of his pants pocket.

He began as well.
I found the first one under my pillow: "I wish I were asleep beside you".
I found another one under the shampoo bottle: "I love the way your hair smells".
Another one wrapped up in the cord of my hair dryer...you get the point:)

These notes of love mean the WORLD to me!
I look forward to them every time.
That's one of my silver linings to a deployment.
They brighten my day and my mood!

I love the notes, but I really love that I'm worth the time to him.
He stops what he's doing.
He hand writes something sweet and unexpected.
He places them throughout the house strategically, so that I won't find them all at once.

My husband.

God is like that.
He blesses us daily.
Strategically.

Look around.
The flowers bloom in the Spring.
Summer brings the rain, the warmth.
Earth is blanketed in pure white snow in the Winter.
The leaves change colors right before your eyes in Autumn.
There is glory everywhere for our eyes to behold.

God takes a second to let us know He's here.
That person at the checkout that lets you go before them.
The smile from across the room.
The perfect timing of a song on the radio.
The phone ringing.
Friends.
A familiar scent.
A pleasant memory.
The clouds billowing in across the sky.
The sunrise.
The sunset.
A newborn baby.

Look around.
He's here.

Desperation

4,380 days. 

That's twelve years. 

Twelve years could quickly pass, or it could slowly creep by, especially if you had some type of medical condition. 

Imagine waking up every morning, sick. 

You go to doctors, but they have no cure. 

You spend all of your money trying to buy a cure that no one has. 

You lose everything you have, to include your dignity. 

Shame escapes you as you look for a cure, a temporary fix, anything. 

You want a day when people do not look at you with sympathy in their eyes. 

You just want one good day.

You remember life before you were sick. 

You remember how you took that care free life for granted. 

Will you ever get it back? 

Society looks at you and cringes. 

They can see your sickness on you. 

You begin to become your sickness. 

Everyday, it is still there and everyday, you anticipate it. 

Will I still be sick in the morning? 

How sick? 

Will it be noticeable? 

Can I go unnoticed, today? 

Or will I be pointed out? 

Who will help me today? 

Anyone? 

Who will have pity on my broken soul? 

I don't want pity. 

I want to be healed. 

Want turns to desperation. 

Desperation turns to intentions. 

You would think: "If I could just touch Him. 

He would heal me. 

But what will people say? 

Will they cast me away? 

I am sick. 

Not dead. 

I need something. 

Anything. 

I'm going for it. 

Maybe not. 

4,380 days.

How much longer will this last? 

People will think I'm crazy. 

Who cares. 

I've got nothing to lose.

He will heal me, just like He's healed others".

You will do what it takes to get better. 

Your options have run out. 

You would fight a crowd. 

Let them stare. 

You would face humiliation. 

You would overcome. 

You would grab on to the hem of His garment. 

And not let go. 

The day he leaves...

Picture this:
A family of four is driving down the road. The mom and dad in the front seat are holding hands. The mom lays her head over on her husband's shoulder. The boy is in the back seat playing a video game and the girl is holding a Barbie in each hand, pretending.
They know where they are going, but no one talks about it. There is nervous banter between the parents, as neither of them want to upset the kids that are now old enough to understand the situation. And neither of them want to let go of one another, so their knuckles are white from gripping hands. This particular drive usually takes forever to end, but today, the drive is not long enough.
They arrive.
They do not move. Not yet.
The parents, they hold onto each other, embraced.
Tears are in their eyes.
Mom's mantra: "Don't think it. Don't think it. Don't think it. Trust in Him".
This is the hard part.
Dad has to go.
Mom wonders "will this be the last time we see him?---Don't think it! Trust in Him".
Dad tears himself away from mom, embraces kids.
Boy, that is almost a man, tries to choke back tears, but still they come.
Dad to boy: "Take care of your mom and sister".
Girl, she cries, not wanting to let go.
Dad to girl: "Be a sweet girl".
Mom's throat is hurting from holding back as many tears as possible.
Dad to Mom: "I love you. I love you. I love you."
Mom to Dad: "Be safe. I'll be praying for you. I love you".
Dad, "Let us pray".
Mom thinks, "no praying, that means the end of our time together is here".
Amen.
More hugs.
More kisses.
More goodbyes.
Dad throws bag over his shoulder.
This time, he has to walk away.
Mom: Don't think it! Trust in Him!
Kids: wailing.
Dad turns around one last time.
He smiles, as best he can.
He waves.
Mom takes mental picture.
Family watches until Dad can't be seen anymore.
He's gone.
Mom: "Let's go home babies".
Babies cry.
Mom prays.
Boy prays.
Girl prays.

Trust in Him.

What does your bad day look like? Here's mine.

My daughter has asthma.
I hate asthma. It induces a lot of sleepless nights at my house. The one good thing about when her asthma is acting up: lots of cuddle time:) Anyway, one Friday night, she was having back-to-back asthma attacks, which kept us up to the wee hours of the morning. Coincidentally, my son had a soccer game at NINE the next morning (which should be against the law:). So, we are obviously going to be running late. Wait: have I mentioned yet that my husband was deployed??? Yes. Go figure...
I rush through our morning and get the kids in the car at 8:30, which is a good time, since the soccer fields are about 20 minutes away. I crank the car and immediately hear a long beeping noise. Ugh, this noise lets me know that I am almost out of gas. OMGoodness! Luckily there is a gas station right up the road. At this station, gas was a few cents cheaper than the rest at $3.87. I pull into the gas station with the sign that said: unleaded, $3.87. I swipe my card and pump my gas, grab my receipt and start pulling away, but wait, something doesn't look right on my receipt. Instead of being charged $3.87, I was charged $3.90. I check the sign again: $3.87.
This enrages me. I am a stay-at-home-mom on a budget. False advertising is illegal. I go in and approach the clerk with my nice voice (because "honey catches more flies"--a lesson my husband taught me:), only to be told that she can't help it the sign is broken. I reply that the sign should obviously be turned off (it's electric), if that's the case. Needless to say, I was refunded the change from a very irate employee. It wasn't that I needed the change--it was the principle of the matter!
By now, I have ten minutes to get to the soccer field that is 20 minutes away. I inevitably hit every red light. I get behind someone that can tell I'm in a hurry and then decides to play a game of "not letting me pass" while looking in the mirror laughing.
So, there I am, driving down the road behind a moron.
My heart is POUNDING by the anger that I feel.
I am mad at the asthma that kept me up all night.
I am mad that I had to pump gas and deal with a rude clerk.
I am mad that I am driving behind an idiot.
I am mad that I am dealing with all of this stress with no relief.
I am mad that my husband is not home.
I am mad at my husband.
I am mad that I have no family around to help me.
Tears are in my eyes.
I want to scream.
Have you ever experienced this kind of anger?
Surely, I am not alone.
That is actually not the bad part of this day. Oh, yes, it does get worse!
In the meantime of all this, the day before, I had been offered a job in a town that is the half-way point between my house now and my hometown. Obviously, I would not be taking it, but on this day, the thought crossed my mind.
I could take the job, move closer to my extended family, and see my husband on the weekends when he was off. Why am I in an unfamiliar town away from home anyway? It wouldn't hurt my marriage to move away from my husband. Heck, I could probably see him just as much if I moved...YEAH, RIGHT!!!
Do you see how the enemy snuck right on in and attacked me while I was down???
Yes, he did---and I was going for it!!!
I was mad!!!
What do you do in these situations?
Do you call all of your friends and rally the troops?
In all honesty, that is exactly what I did. I rallied the troops (which is NOT okay). Well, one friend and one family member. I was on a rant. They listened. They agreed with some of the things I said and disagreed with others, but mainly they were on my side. But then a curious thing happened: My husband made a long distance call to me. As soon as I heard his voice, tension melted away. I cried. I told him about my horrible day. I confessed my thoughts. His thoughts on the subject: no, I don't want you to move and I'm sorry I'm not there and let's pray about this.
Man, am I thankful for a husband that prays!!!

I am also very thankful for God's perfect timing! His time is NOT our time. Life is seasonal. Remember that when you are overwhelmed with a toddler or a deployment. Neither of those lasts. Pretty soon you'll be looking at a teenage child and retirement will be here faster than you know. This day in my life was rough, but I took two things from it:
1. Emotions happen, cry out to Jesus.
2. Trust in the Lord.

Oh, and the moron that I was behind: while he did enrage me, that is EXACTLY where I was supposed to be. At the time, I thought he was the spawn of satan, but God could have placed him there to protect me from my hurried driving---He makes ALL things work together for the good of those that love Him in Christ Jesus!!!

Thankful

Do you struggle with depression?
Loneliness?
Feeling sorry for yourself? your situation?
Can't get moving?
Negative thinking?

I hope you don't struggle with any of these things.
But, if sometimes you do...or ALL the time you do...please, read on! OR even if you don't, the following is for EVERYONE!!!
We go through many seasons in life--both good and bad. You are NOT alone!

As a wife of a military man, I find myself thinking negatively quite often.
Deployments do not get easier with time. In fact, I think they get harder every time.
And when all you see is the negative--OMGoodness!!! Negativity is an EASY road to follow, but
as Christ followers, we are to be like-minded as Him. Do you think He only sees the negative?
"Let this mind be in you, which is also in Christ Jesus"-Philippians 2:5.

I really don't like my thought patterns at times and I have found myself allowing a thought to snowball into ideas that I should never think. My mind often drifts down the "what-if" road...The Bible says that we are to take captive every thought---especially these! "Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5.

So, the question is: "How do we change this pattern?"

Well, have I got a revelation for you!!!
Actually, it's not mine to give, but I would love to share it!
I recently read a book entitled "1,000 Gifts", by Ann Voskamp.
This is a book written in poetic prose about thanksgiving--not the holiday, but the act.
Being thankful.
In essence, this book is about a journey of thanksgiving, begun by a challenge to write 1,000 things she (the author) is thankful for.
It is an AWESOME read.

Can you think of 1,000 things you are thankful for?
The Bible is FILLED with verses addressing thanksgiving.
My favorite: "In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you"
-1 Thessalonians 5:18.
There are even verses talking about a "sacrifice of thanksgiving".
Are there times being thankful would actually be a sacrifice for you? A sacrifice of your time, maybe?

From "1,000 Gifts": The Greek word for "thanks" in this verse (1 Thess) is "eucharisteo". Eucharisteo means to be grateful, to show gratitude. The root word in eucharisteo is "charis", which means grace, gift, favour, pleasure. Charis is a derivitive of the Greek word "chara", which means JOY:)

Do you get it? JOY? Thanksgiving? Eucharisteo?
Can I get an AMEN???
Did you just have a light bulb moment? I certainly did the first time I read this book!!!

Give thanks!!!
God, thank you for your many blessings. Thank you for the warm sun on my face. Thank you for the roof over my family. Thank you for protecting my husband! Thank you for the rain! Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins! You owe me nothing---I owe you EVERYTHING!

I challenged my Bible study group to write some things they were thankful for as a military wife.
I wrote 100.
Some of the things I am thankful for (military wise) are strictly situationally related.
For instance, I am thankful for some places we have been, due to my husband traveling there and taking us with him; otherwise, these are places we never would have been able to go.
I hope you can find some inspiration from these:

1. Homecomings
2. meeting different people from all over the world
3. Camaraderie
4. sense of pride in not only my husband, but for what he stands for and fights for
5. New York City
6. Tucson
7. Tricare
8. BAH
9. Commissary
10. PX
11. block leave
12. my husband in uniform;)
13. stable income
14. housing
15. Family Readiness Group
16. tax free deployment pay
17. job security
18. being able to be a stay-at-home-mom
19. Post 9/11 G.I. Bill
20. Scholarships--MyCAA
21. Certification transferability
22. military discounts
23. our family has become more athletic
24. VA loans
25. USAA
26. My husband can attend college for free.
27. Backwards planning
28. skype
29. long-distance phone calls
30. hand-written letters
31. unexpected flower deliveries
32. TSP
33. Destin
34. Cabin #13
35. Marriage retreats
36. free tax services
37. screened in porches
38. sky diving
39. rocky mountain climbing (Yes, just like the Tim McGraw song--we did both of these:)
40. 5k
41. mud run
42. crossfit
43. retirement dreams
44. midnight talks
45. encouragement
46. the way John Denver's "God Bless the U.S.A." takes on a whole new meaning
47. motivation
48. being away from extended family--which has drawn us closer together
49. familiar faces
50. broadened vocabulary
51. history lessons
52. geography lessons
53. appreciation for where you came from...
54. Disney
55. 0500 coffee time:)
56. bonuses
57. retirement at such a young age
58. opportunities to begin again
59. trying new things
60. flying
61. museums
62. new rank
63. ceremonies
64. competitions
65. Christmases at home
66. Birthdays together
67. military style haircuts
68. chaplains
69. new friends
70. old friends
71. solitude (sometimes:)
72. freedom
73. endurance
74. the butterflies that I get in my belly when I see him for the first time, in a long time:)
75. clean shaven face
76. when I don't have to pump my own gas
77. hearing cadence
78. seeing a formation
79. flying a flag
80. my nice car
81. the bond shared between fellow military wives
82. dental insurance
83. survival skills
84. employment services
85. National Anthem
86. standing at attention
87. parachute's falling
88. absence making the heart grow fonder
89. discipline
90. schedules
91. graduations
92. demonstrations
93. finding your own way
94. confidence
95. three and four day weekends
96. the example he is setting for our children
97. honor
98. support
99. community
100. resiliency

Deployments suck. Separation from our spouses in any vicinity sucks, BUT there are things we can be thankful for during those times. Be thankful for time to grow closer to your family. Be thankful when the phone rings from overseas. Be thankful for the internet, that supplies the e-mails you will receive. Be thankful for the pay check that pays the internet bill! We can change our perspective:) Be thankful!

Submission

Let me preface this first by saying/typing: I am STILL learning about submission--everyday. Christianity is a form of submission. When we accept Jesus into our lives, we are submitting to his authority and choosing his will. We are supposed to die to ourselves daily, so that He may live through us. Galatians 2:20 says "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me". Daily die to self. That's hard! When you see this verse and contemplate, marriage is sort of like that. We have to "die" (in a sense) to ourselves and put the needs of our husband and children in front of our own.   Pretty profound stuff, if you ask me. Studying this made me realize that I am not always submissive. I am weak in that area, but I'm working on it:) When I am weak, He is strong--so no worries! 


I approached this study by looking at the five W's: who, what, when, where, and why. 

WHO

Who should we be submissive to? 

God: “Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you.” James 4:7-8

One to another: “Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ”. Ephesians 5: 21

*This "one to another" verse is for marriages as well as fellow man. I had a hard time understanding this, honestly. I had to go to my husband and say "huh? How am I supposed to be submissive to you and you be submissive to me? I don't understand". He explained it to me in this way: In a company, in the Army, there is a commander and a sergeant major. The commander obviously outranks the sergeant major, but they do work together to manage the Company. The commander is in "command", while the sergeant major is "in charge". The commander has the overall authority, but the day-to-day operations are supervised by the sergeant major. So, you see, they are working, together. One is over the other, but they are managing the same team. Substitute commander for husband and sergeant major for wife in this example. I had an "oh, I get it" moment:) I hope you do too!                                           

            

Husband: “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord”. Ephesians 5:22

Oh, snap! "as to the Lord"....Yes, that's what it says:)

Authority: “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” Hebrews 13:17

I can think of many times that I have not been submissive to authority. In my teenage years, I was a little rebellious (as most of us were), and I can recall several instances where I was not submissive to not only my parents, but teachers as well. 

What about bosses? preachers? the President? Yes, we must submit, to all of their authority. 

Our husbands big BOSS is the President, Commander-in-chief! 

WHAT

What exactly does it mean to submit? 

Definition: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

***In one of my Bibles, the word "submit" is replaced with the word "humble". What a way to reveal the real meaning of the word! Humble yourself, submit to your husband. 

Humble: Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology. 

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10

Honor means to respect and love. 

Honor your husband and delight in it! 

Humble yourself, let go of your pride. 

Submit. 

What if my husband isn't saved? 

That's easy. That is addressed in 1 Peter. 

1 Peter 3: 1-9

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,  as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”

WHEN

When is submitting easy? hard? When you agree? disagree? 

Submitting is VERY easy when it is something that I agree with my husband on, but difficult if I do not agree. It's not difficult to "physically" commit to whatever my husband has said that I do not agree with, it's more emotionally hard for me to submit. FOR EXAMPLE, there is a television series that I like to watch that I know is spiritually wrong--I watched it anyway. My husband, who had never seen the show, came into the living room and watched a little of it with me. Within minutes, he was saying "this is spiritually wrong, it should not be coming into our house, etc". NOW, it is EASY for me to physically STOP watching this show that my husband asked me not to watch, BUT it is HARD for me to not get a little upset with him when he watches stuff that I don't think we should be watching in our home. Submission occurs in your mind first. If I don't agree with what my husband has said and put into effect in my home, and submit only "physically" but not emotionally, then there is potential for a root of bitterness to plant itself. We must be careful to submit wholeheartedly. If there is something that we do not agree with, with our husband, we can pray and ask God to reveal to our husband what we believe to be truth. In the case of the show, he's right:) He usually is:) 

I bet you want to know which television show I'm talking about:) LOL! 

Can you be submissive even when your husband is deployed/TDY? 

Yes, but there is more room for error when he is away. We can get into the "head of the home" mindset and believe we are entitled to do whatever it is we want. Not true. Away or home, your husband is still the spiritual leader of your household and we should still be submissive to him. If communication is scarce and you have a decision to make without inquiring your husband, pray first, and do what you know God and your husband would want you to do. You know how your husband thinks. You're married. Separation will not change his mindset. It shouldn't change yours. 

Is there a time to not submit to your husband? 

Obviously if your husband is asking you to break the law, then that is a time to not submit. 

A great example of a time a wife did not submit to her husband in the Bible, where the wife was right and the husband was wrong, is the story of Abigail and Nabal in 1 Samuel 25: 4-42. I encourage you to read it:)

Examples in the Bible of submitting to the proper authority: 

David and King Saul: David had MANY opportunities to kill King Saul, yet he didn't because he knew that King Saul was appointed by God. David was submissive to God and the authority that was placed over him.  

Military example in the Bible of someone that DID NOT submit to authority: Joab, the commander of David’s army. This man was the opposite of submissive. He killed, even when told not to. He avenged the death of his brother, ordered the death of one of David's sons, killed another commander of the army, placing himself back into leadership. 

WHERE

Where is submission to our husbands found in the Bible? 

1 Peter 3

Ephesians 5

Where are the areas in our lives that we need to submit to our husbands that we may still be holding onto? 

This next verse says that we are to submit in everything. Yes, everything. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, everything. 

“As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everthing”. Ephesians 5:24

Where do we fall in the “rank” of submission? 

I bet many of you have seen the J.O.Y. acronym hung on the walls of many churches and Sunday school classrooms: 

J.O.Y. 

Jesus first

Other’s second

Yourself, last! 

WHY

Why must we submit? 

Simple, the Bible tells us to do so. We are commanded to do so. Submission opens the door to many blessings. 

Why is it so hard to be submissive to authority in general? 

Our flesh is rebellious by nature, so of course this is something we will struggle with. Die daily to self. Renew yourself daily in the Word. Humble yourself. Honor others. 

Does being a military wife make it harder to submit? 

Sometimes. Again, we so often get in the routine of our husbands being gone and us being in charge. When they return, it's hard to transition into the right position again. I've caught myself thinking before "okay, okay, I will agree with him and do whatever it is because he'll be gone soon and I can do whatever I want to do anyway". I am absolutely in the wrong for even thinking this way, but I'm human--it happens. This is exactly how the enemy wants us military wives to think! This brings strife into our marriages because eventually our husbands come home and see what we have been doing our way and this brings on a whole new set of issues! 

Being submissive is a process, but it's a process that we can get through. 

Thank you, God, for your Word. Thank you for leading us in Your direction and transforming us into the wives You have called us to be! 

Respect

Respect
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. Ephesians 5:33

Rank: Your husband falls into the pyramid of ranks in the military. Eventually, if not already, your husband will be in a position of leadership at his job. Due to the nature of the military, respect will ensue with rank and leadership positions. Like the military, there should be a rank system in your household. Picture God as an umbrella. He is your protective covering. Directly under the umbrella is your husband-then you-then children. If you defy the ranks, then you are out from under the protective covering of God, throwing the rest of the family out of balance. 

When you marry, you become one. The creation story is a beautiful representation of this: “The man (Adam) said, “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man”. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” Genesis 2:23-24. 

As one flesh, you build your life together--ONE life--NOT TWO! You should share your dreams, not just by talking about them, but actually sharing the same dream (retirement goals, raising children, etc). When we are joined in marriage--there is nothing else just about yourself. Being selfish is out the door. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about us! In oneness, we are to build each other up--verbally, emotionally, and physically. Marriage is a team effort! 

T.E.A.M. Respect

T is for TONE

Ladies, our "tones" (to include both verbal and non-verbal indicators) set the atmosphere of communication between us and our spouse (Love and Respect, Dr. Eggerich). If your husband is having a bad day or even if he’s not, your tone could open the door for an argument OR quickly dissolve an issue that could potentially get out of hand. This is really hard to control at times when we have so many things working against us (PMS). It’s a daily, conscious effort---but we can do it! Your tone can save the day! 

Tone is a major indicator of respect! What if your husband had a lower ranking soldier speak to him the way we sometimes speak to them, rolling our eyes and using our best sarcastic accent? 

Is that showing respect? Something that we are commanded to do in Ephesians. Our tone is our responsibility--even when our husband has pushed all of your launch buttons! Our words/tone can build our husbands up or it can tear them down. Make a conscious effort to build up, not destroy! 
*Love and Respect is a book written by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. In the book, he addresses tone and how we communicate with our spouses. If you have not read this book, RUN-DO NOT WALK, to your nearest book store and purchase it! It is fantastic!!! I personally know TWO couples that have been on the brink of divorce that read this book and along with divine intervention, their marriages were saved! 

E is for EMOTIONS

You cannot depend on your husband to fulfill your emotional needs, especially if you are a military wife. We are alone way to much! Your emotions should be shared, but NEVER transferred to your husband. A lot of the emotional things that we deal with, runs deep. Talking to your husband will help, but getting to the root of the issue is necessary to deal with it and to not let it manifest in your attitude and how we treat others. The only one that can fill a void or provide emotional healing is God--Jehovah Rapha--the God that HEALS! 

We all deal with insecurities at one point or another--we are women! If you are having an insecure moment, you can fix it--if you want to, with help from the Father. You have the access to Him. All you have to do is ask. He will give you strength. “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my Savior, my God, my Rock in whom I take refuge, my Shield, and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold”. 

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7

Deployment cares? Trust him! Do not fear (1John 4: 14-16)! Pray (Phillipians 4: 6-8)! 

Live daily with God. Train your mind to think as He thinks (Phillipians 2:5- “Let this mind be in you--which was also in Christ Jesus”). Renew your mind-- “Do not be conformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God’s will is, what is proper, pleasing, and perfect” Romans 12:2.  

If your emotions are out of control, then everything else is out of control---to include your tone and how you respect your husband. 

A is for Atonement

Atonement is reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans to make amends (Webster's). Reparation for a wrong or injury. Make amends, reconcile, become “at one”. Synonyms: redemption. 

What are some words that come to mind when you think of atonement? 

I think of forgiveness and humbleness. 

How many times in your marriage have you had to humbly approach your husband and ask for forgiveness or vice versa? I can recall a specific instance where I had hidden something from my husband for a few years. In the middle of a pregnancy and what seemed like twelve back-to-back deployments, I got bored. NOW, my husband is very anti-debt. We have an “emergency” credit card, but it’s never been used, well, as far as he knew! I LOVE retail therapy, so in the middle of my loneliness and boredom, I began to shop. Every item I bought began to be an “emergency” buy (yeah, right)! AND then, when I would get mad at myself for charging things to a credit card---I would blame my husband! Can you believe that??? I would blame him for not being home, blah blah! Needless to say, the bill got very steep AND I was totally convicted for keeping a secret from my husband--my BEST FRIEND! Fear kept me from confessing for two years, but one day he saw where I had made a payment and gently asked me about it. I confessed. I was terrified of how he would react, only because I knew the bond of trust was going to be broken and I knew that this selfish act was taking away from my family. I also knew that he would realize that I had been lying about this for quite sometime. I humbly confessed, watched my husband pay the card off, walked away, and cried in the shower. I was ashamed and I didn’t know if he would forgive me. In the midst of my crying, I felt arms come around me. I looked up and there stood my husband, holding me. He said “everybody makes mistakes and I understand why you did it. Please don’t do it again”. And he held me and forgave me and has NEVER brought it up again. Isn’t that a GREAT example of the kind of love and forgiveness offered to us from the FATHER? 

The ultimate example of atonement is Jesus himself paying our debt of sin (Ephesians 1:7-10)! You are forgiven---so is your husband, also a child of God. Both forgiveness and humbleness are verbs. They are actions that you must choose. You choose to forgive. You choose to be humble. Just like Jesus did when he hung on the cross. 

If we are not being humble, we are being prideful. “Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall” Proverbs 16:18. 

What happens when we don’t forgive? 

A seed of bitterness takes root and it’s a weed that will take over your whole being! “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you your sins” Matthew 6:14-15. 

Father help us to forgive! This is not just husband related--this is in general, everyday life. 

Forgive! Forget! and move on! 

M is for MANAGEMENT

As a wife, we have a lot to manage--add kids and you add more things to do--add the military and your plate not only just got full--you need a second one for extras! 

How can we manage our lives in a way that nourishes our marriage and enables respect to flow freely? 

Start small. We’ve already talked about renewing our minds daily in the Word and praying. 

Let’s talk about everyday things that we can do: 

Keep a schedule. 

Manage your home---remember, you set the environment in the home. 

Meal plan

Get organized

All of these things make for a conducive environment to decrease stress and increase sanity:)

Remember that as a T.E.A.M member in your marriage to: Make a conscious effort to guard your tone. Be strong in the Lord, and your emotions will be strong. Be willing to forgive and reconcile your marriage--Atonement! And Manage what the good Lord gave you:) 

Devotion

Devotion

“Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord your God”. 1 Chronicles 22:19

Devotion-  (as defined by Webster's) love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause. Selfless affection and dedication to a person or principle. 

*We are going to break devotion down into three parts: love, loyalty, and enthusiasm. 

Devotion: Love

Topic Questions for discussion/reflection: 

1. Can your husband count on you for a lifetime? 
2. How serious are you about your wedding vows? Do you really love your husband for better or worse? 
3. Do you realize that when you and your spouse married, a covenant with God was made? 
4. Are you truly devoted to your husband and making your marriage work? 

Love conquers ALL things: even deployments (1 Corinthians 13). Separation from your spouse-no matter the length of time is hard--add to that the “danger factor” and we surpass “hard” and go straight to difficult! And to make matters worse, there are times when communication (one of the key aspects to a successful relationship) is completely cut off! Be devoted to love your husbands through this time. It’s difficult for us, so imagine how difficult it must be for them--away from family AND the comforts of home (safety, freedom, etc). We may not always have available communication with our husbands, but we ALWAYS have an open line to Christ! 

Love bears ALL things (1 Corinthians 13:7): Deployments are difficult on many levels, but in the big picture--they are just fragments of a lifetime. They are a part of your marriage story. Deployments can help develop a marriage, either negatively or positively, but development will occur. 

Devotion: Loyalty

“The man that finds a wife, finds a treasure and he receives favor from the Lord”. Proverbs 19:22

Loyalty- (Webster's) giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution. Synonyms: faithful, true, trusty, constant, devoted. 

Topic Questions for discussion/reflection:

1. Are you loyal to your husband? job? friends? 
2. What else are you loyal to? *I am loyal to some brands, i.e. Scott toilet paper! I will pay whatever the cost to have this type of tissue in my home:) Hilarious, I know! BUT--that is the truth! We are loyal to many things other than people! 

Showing constant support is an indication of loyalty. Military wives: this is our BIGGEST, most important job/duty! (Whether we want it to be or not). So, let’s embrace it! 

*We not only have to be loyal to our marriage and our husbands, but also their careers! 

As military wives, what are some ways we can show support? 

-encouragement -holding down the fort -PCSing -keeping our house in order -etc.

Loyalty & Covenants

*By societies rule, marriage is an institution, right? 

It’s a covenant with God!

Malachi 2:14 says that marriage is a covenant with God. Deuteronomy 7:9 says: “Know therefore that the Lord thy God, He is God, the faithful God, which keepeth COVENANT and mercy with them that love him and keeps his commandments to a thousand generations”. 

The Hebrew word for covenant here is briyth (ber-eeth). It means, in the sense of cutting--blood compact made by passing between pieces of flesh. 

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord”. Hosea 2: 19-20. This is God telling us that he will betroth himself to us--he will (in a sense) marry us. Along with this marriage (between us and God) comes love, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, righteousness, faithfulness---all the characteristics that should be included in a marriage! God sets the perfect example! God is devoted to you-He is loyal to you-He loves you! 

Devotion: enthusiasm

Military wives, LISTEN UP!!! This verse is for you!!! “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy!” Psalms 126:5 

Deployments are NOT fun! Neither are weeks spent in the field. Deployments have a way of bringing out both weaknesses and strengths in a marriage. Though deployments are hard, we have something to look forward to! Homecoming! Retirement! Deployments do not last forever. We can make a conscious effort to be enthusiastic about these things: “Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus!” 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

Our attitudes can contribute both negatively or positively to the duration of the deployment. We all have bad days, but they can be few. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28. Having a bad day? Go to Him! 

Be enthusiastic about the future! There are times of ill emotions, such as loneliness and depression, but that battle is not yours (2 Chronicles 20:15)! It’s Gods! 

“As the days wherein the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned into them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning into a good day; that they should make them days of feasting and joy and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.” Esther 9:22 

Our husbands will return and have rest from war. Our mourning will be turned to dancing and our sorrow into joy! 

Be devoted! 

Be loving! 

Be loyal! 

Be enthusiastic!