Respect

Respect
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. Ephesians 5:33

Rank: Your husband falls into the pyramid of ranks in the military. Eventually, if not already, your husband will be in a position of leadership at his job. Due to the nature of the military, respect will ensue with rank and leadership positions. Like the military, there should be a rank system in your household. Picture God as an umbrella. He is your protective covering. Directly under the umbrella is your husband-then you-then children. If you defy the ranks, then you are out from under the protective covering of God, throwing the rest of the family out of balance. 

When you marry, you become one. The creation story is a beautiful representation of this: “The man (Adam) said, “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man”. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” Genesis 2:23-24. 

As one flesh, you build your life together--ONE life--NOT TWO! You should share your dreams, not just by talking about them, but actually sharing the same dream (retirement goals, raising children, etc). When we are joined in marriage--there is nothing else just about yourself. Being selfish is out the door. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about us! In oneness, we are to build each other up--verbally, emotionally, and physically. Marriage is a team effort! 

T.E.A.M. Respect

T is for TONE

Ladies, our "tones" (to include both verbal and non-verbal indicators) set the atmosphere of communication between us and our spouse (Love and Respect, Dr. Eggerich). If your husband is having a bad day or even if he’s not, your tone could open the door for an argument OR quickly dissolve an issue that could potentially get out of hand. This is really hard to control at times when we have so many things working against us (PMS). It’s a daily, conscious effort---but we can do it! Your tone can save the day! 

Tone is a major indicator of respect! What if your husband had a lower ranking soldier speak to him the way we sometimes speak to them, rolling our eyes and using our best sarcastic accent? 

Is that showing respect? Something that we are commanded to do in Ephesians. Our tone is our responsibility--even when our husband has pushed all of your launch buttons! Our words/tone can build our husbands up or it can tear them down. Make a conscious effort to build up, not destroy! 
*Love and Respect is a book written by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. In the book, he addresses tone and how we communicate with our spouses. If you have not read this book, RUN-DO NOT WALK, to your nearest book store and purchase it! It is fantastic!!! I personally know TWO couples that have been on the brink of divorce that read this book and along with divine intervention, their marriages were saved! 

E is for EMOTIONS

You cannot depend on your husband to fulfill your emotional needs, especially if you are a military wife. We are alone way to much! Your emotions should be shared, but NEVER transferred to your husband. A lot of the emotional things that we deal with, runs deep. Talking to your husband will help, but getting to the root of the issue is necessary to deal with it and to not let it manifest in your attitude and how we treat others. The only one that can fill a void or provide emotional healing is God--Jehovah Rapha--the God that HEALS! 

We all deal with insecurities at one point or another--we are women! If you are having an insecure moment, you can fix it--if you want to, with help from the Father. You have the access to Him. All you have to do is ask. He will give you strength. “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my Savior, my God, my Rock in whom I take refuge, my Shield, and the strength of my salvation, my stronghold”. 

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7

Deployment cares? Trust him! Do not fear (1John 4: 14-16)! Pray (Phillipians 4: 6-8)! 

Live daily with God. Train your mind to think as He thinks (Phillipians 2:5- “Let this mind be in you--which was also in Christ Jesus”). Renew your mind-- “Do not be conformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God’s will is, what is proper, pleasing, and perfect” Romans 12:2.  

If your emotions are out of control, then everything else is out of control---to include your tone and how you respect your husband. 

A is for Atonement

Atonement is reconciliation or an instance of reconciliation between God and humans to make amends (Webster's). Reparation for a wrong or injury. Make amends, reconcile, become “at one”. Synonyms: redemption. 

What are some words that come to mind when you think of atonement? 

I think of forgiveness and humbleness. 

How many times in your marriage have you had to humbly approach your husband and ask for forgiveness or vice versa? I can recall a specific instance where I had hidden something from my husband for a few years. In the middle of a pregnancy and what seemed like twelve back-to-back deployments, I got bored. NOW, my husband is very anti-debt. We have an “emergency” credit card, but it’s never been used, well, as far as he knew! I LOVE retail therapy, so in the middle of my loneliness and boredom, I began to shop. Every item I bought began to be an “emergency” buy (yeah, right)! AND then, when I would get mad at myself for charging things to a credit card---I would blame my husband! Can you believe that??? I would blame him for not being home, blah blah! Needless to say, the bill got very steep AND I was totally convicted for keeping a secret from my husband--my BEST FRIEND! Fear kept me from confessing for two years, but one day he saw where I had made a payment and gently asked me about it. I confessed. I was terrified of how he would react, only because I knew the bond of trust was going to be broken and I knew that this selfish act was taking away from my family. I also knew that he would realize that I had been lying about this for quite sometime. I humbly confessed, watched my husband pay the card off, walked away, and cried in the shower. I was ashamed and I didn’t know if he would forgive me. In the midst of my crying, I felt arms come around me. I looked up and there stood my husband, holding me. He said “everybody makes mistakes and I understand why you did it. Please don’t do it again”. And he held me and forgave me and has NEVER brought it up again. Isn’t that a GREAT example of the kind of love and forgiveness offered to us from the FATHER? 

The ultimate example of atonement is Jesus himself paying our debt of sin (Ephesians 1:7-10)! You are forgiven---so is your husband, also a child of God. Both forgiveness and humbleness are verbs. They are actions that you must choose. You choose to forgive. You choose to be humble. Just like Jesus did when he hung on the cross. 

If we are not being humble, we are being prideful. “Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall” Proverbs 16:18. 

What happens when we don’t forgive? 

A seed of bitterness takes root and it’s a weed that will take over your whole being! “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you your sins” Matthew 6:14-15. 

Father help us to forgive! This is not just husband related--this is in general, everyday life. 

Forgive! Forget! and move on! 

M is for MANAGEMENT

As a wife, we have a lot to manage--add kids and you add more things to do--add the military and your plate not only just got full--you need a second one for extras! 

How can we manage our lives in a way that nourishes our marriage and enables respect to flow freely? 

Start small. We’ve already talked about renewing our minds daily in the Word and praying. 

Let’s talk about everyday things that we can do: 

Keep a schedule. 

Manage your home---remember, you set the environment in the home. 

Meal plan

Get organized

All of these things make for a conducive environment to decrease stress and increase sanity:)

Remember that as a T.E.A.M member in your marriage to: Make a conscious effort to guard your tone. Be strong in the Lord, and your emotions will be strong. Be willing to forgive and reconcile your marriage--Atonement! And Manage what the good Lord gave you:)