Emotionally Something...

This post should be titled: "The Day After He Leaves..."
The last time my husband left, I found myself crying in a nice ladies office at the car dealership. 

Why? 

They had not put an air filter back onto my car correctly after an oil change, causing it to overheat five minutes after I had left. And I felt like this happened strictly because I had nothing else better to deal with! (That was in sarcastic font:) 

I walked back into the dealership, told them in my nice voice that they had screwed my car up, walked upstairs to a nice ladies office, and proceeded to have a minor breakdown. 

Yep, tears and all.  

Full blown, snot pouring, cry voice, ugly face...

Crying.

This tends to happen to me at least once, every deployment. 

The time before that: my girl accidentally spilled water on the keyboard of my new computer. No damage was done, still I cried. 

The time before that: my roof sprung a leak. Again, simple fix, but still I cried. 

The time before that: the septic backed up. GROSS! 

There's more, but you get it. 

The point: the enemy LOVES to strike us while we're down.
Everything falling apart the day after our husband's leave, is not an accident. 

Our husband's leave. 

Things happen, that he would typically handle.
How do you handle it emotionally?
Physically, we handle many things alone.
Why?
Because what choice do we have?
Emotionally, though?
The correct answer: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..."
Do we honestly believe that though?
Do we walk in that faith?
I just admitted, that sometimes I don't.
I'm weak.
I'm emotionally susceptible--especially when he leaves!
And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to handle any of it alone!
I'm a married woman!
I'm half of a whole!
I'm mom, he's dad!
WHY ME?
This is NOT the picture of marriage that I have had instilled into me, my whole life.

Is this fake picture of marriage what makes ours so hard? 

Because we can't meet that expectation? 

That's another lie of the enemy. 

Remember that. 

And grasp this:
This is your path. This is your lot in life. He knew this is where you would be before the foundation of time.
Right here, right now.
In the middle of a deployment...
In the middle of a TDY...
In the middle of a valley...
In the middle of financial struggle...
In the middle of stress and anxiety...
In the middle of a peak...
He knows.
He's in control.
Seriously.
He has a plan for you.
He knows you.
He knit you in your mother's womb.
He knew you would be a military wife.
It is NOT more than you can handle.
He's in control.

Military wife reality: we are apart at times, but we are never alone.
Remember that too.
Even when you are alone, you're not. He's there with you.
Seek Him and I promise (actually He promises) that you will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13).

Facebook

This is crazy hard for me to figure out, but apparently, somehow, I should be able to link both this blog and the facebook page/link below.
Either way, I have created a facebook page to post new updates to the blog.
Learning never ends!!! :)

Please copy and paste: (or just search for "God Assigned Military Wife")
http://www.facebook.com/pages/God-Assigned-Military-Wife/125038604307278

The Game

My husband and I play a game every time he leaves.
It's a "no name" game.
Basically, we hide notes/letters all over the place for the other to find while we are apart.
I started this game about ten years ago when he left for a TDY trip. I taped a little note that said, "I love you and I'm thinking of you" to the back of his id card.
The next time, I pinned a note to the inside of his pants pocket.

He began as well.
I found the first one under my pillow: "I wish I were asleep beside you".
I found another one under the shampoo bottle: "I love the way your hair smells".
Another one wrapped up in the cord of my hair dryer...you get the point:)

These notes of love mean the WORLD to me!
I look forward to them every time.
That's one of my silver linings to a deployment.
They brighten my day and my mood!

I love the notes, but I really love that I'm worth the time to him.
He stops what he's doing.
He hand writes something sweet and unexpected.
He places them throughout the house strategically, so that I won't find them all at once.

My husband.

God is like that.
He blesses us daily.
Strategically.

Look around.
The flowers bloom in the Spring.
Summer brings the rain, the warmth.
Earth is blanketed in pure white snow in the Winter.
The leaves change colors right before your eyes in Autumn.
There is glory everywhere for our eyes to behold.

God takes a second to let us know He's here.
That person at the checkout that lets you go before them.
The smile from across the room.
The perfect timing of a song on the radio.
The phone ringing.
Friends.
A familiar scent.
A pleasant memory.
The clouds billowing in across the sky.
The sunrise.
The sunset.
A newborn baby.

Look around.
He's here.

Desperation

4,380 days. 

That's twelve years. 

Twelve years could quickly pass, or it could slowly creep by, especially if you had some type of medical condition. 

Imagine waking up every morning, sick. 

You go to doctors, but they have no cure. 

You spend all of your money trying to buy a cure that no one has. 

You lose everything you have, to include your dignity. 

Shame escapes you as you look for a cure, a temporary fix, anything. 

You want a day when people do not look at you with sympathy in their eyes. 

You just want one good day.

You remember life before you were sick. 

You remember how you took that care free life for granted. 

Will you ever get it back? 

Society looks at you and cringes. 

They can see your sickness on you. 

You begin to become your sickness. 

Everyday, it is still there and everyday, you anticipate it. 

Will I still be sick in the morning? 

How sick? 

Will it be noticeable? 

Can I go unnoticed, today? 

Or will I be pointed out? 

Who will help me today? 

Anyone? 

Who will have pity on my broken soul? 

I don't want pity. 

I want to be healed. 

Want turns to desperation. 

Desperation turns to intentions. 

You would think: "If I could just touch Him. 

He would heal me. 

But what will people say? 

Will they cast me away? 

I am sick. 

Not dead. 

I need something. 

Anything. 

I'm going for it. 

Maybe not. 

4,380 days.

How much longer will this last? 

People will think I'm crazy. 

Who cares. 

I've got nothing to lose.

He will heal me, just like He's healed others".

You will do what it takes to get better. 

Your options have run out. 

You would fight a crowd. 

Let them stare. 

You would face humiliation. 

You would overcome. 

You would grab on to the hem of His garment. 

And not let go. 

The day he leaves...

Picture this:
A family of four is driving down the road. The mom and dad in the front seat are holding hands. The mom lays her head over on her husband's shoulder. The boy is in the back seat playing a video game and the girl is holding a Barbie in each hand, pretending.
They know where they are going, but no one talks about it. There is nervous banter between the parents, as neither of them want to upset the kids that are now old enough to understand the situation. And neither of them want to let go of one another, so their knuckles are white from gripping hands. This particular drive usually takes forever to end, but today, the drive is not long enough.
They arrive.
They do not move. Not yet.
The parents, they hold onto each other, embraced.
Tears are in their eyes.
Mom's mantra: "Don't think it. Don't think it. Don't think it. Trust in Him".
This is the hard part.
Dad has to go.
Mom wonders "will this be the last time we see him?---Don't think it! Trust in Him".
Dad tears himself away from mom, embraces kids.
Boy, that is almost a man, tries to choke back tears, but still they come.
Dad to boy: "Take care of your mom and sister".
Girl, she cries, not wanting to let go.
Dad to girl: "Be a sweet girl".
Mom's throat is hurting from holding back as many tears as possible.
Dad to Mom: "I love you. I love you. I love you."
Mom to Dad: "Be safe. I'll be praying for you. I love you".
Dad, "Let us pray".
Mom thinks, "no praying, that means the end of our time together is here".
Amen.
More hugs.
More kisses.
More goodbyes.
Dad throws bag over his shoulder.
This time, he has to walk away.
Mom: Don't think it! Trust in Him!
Kids: wailing.
Dad turns around one last time.
He smiles, as best he can.
He waves.
Mom takes mental picture.
Family watches until Dad can't be seen anymore.
He's gone.
Mom: "Let's go home babies".
Babies cry.
Mom prays.
Boy prays.
Girl prays.

Trust in Him.

What does your bad day look like? Here's mine.

My daughter has asthma.
I hate asthma. It induces a lot of sleepless nights at my house. The one good thing about when her asthma is acting up: lots of cuddle time:) Anyway, one Friday night, she was having back-to-back asthma attacks, which kept us up to the wee hours of the morning. Coincidentally, my son had a soccer game at NINE the next morning (which should be against the law:). So, we are obviously going to be running late. Wait: have I mentioned yet that my husband was deployed??? Yes. Go figure...
I rush through our morning and get the kids in the car at 8:30, which is a good time, since the soccer fields are about 20 minutes away. I crank the car and immediately hear a long beeping noise. Ugh, this noise lets me know that I am almost out of gas. OMGoodness! Luckily there is a gas station right up the road. At this station, gas was a few cents cheaper than the rest at $3.87. I pull into the gas station with the sign that said: unleaded, $3.87. I swipe my card and pump my gas, grab my receipt and start pulling away, but wait, something doesn't look right on my receipt. Instead of being charged $3.87, I was charged $3.90. I check the sign again: $3.87.
This enrages me. I am a stay-at-home-mom on a budget. False advertising is illegal. I go in and approach the clerk with my nice voice (because "honey catches more flies"--a lesson my husband taught me:), only to be told that she can't help it the sign is broken. I reply that the sign should obviously be turned off (it's electric), if that's the case. Needless to say, I was refunded the change from a very irate employee. It wasn't that I needed the change--it was the principle of the matter!
By now, I have ten minutes to get to the soccer field that is 20 minutes away. I inevitably hit every red light. I get behind someone that can tell I'm in a hurry and then decides to play a game of "not letting me pass" while looking in the mirror laughing.
So, there I am, driving down the road behind a moron.
My heart is POUNDING by the anger that I feel.
I am mad at the asthma that kept me up all night.
I am mad that I had to pump gas and deal with a rude clerk.
I am mad that I am driving behind an idiot.
I am mad that I am dealing with all of this stress with no relief.
I am mad that my husband is not home.
I am mad at my husband.
I am mad that I have no family around to help me.
Tears are in my eyes.
I want to scream.
Have you ever experienced this kind of anger?
Surely, I am not alone.
That is actually not the bad part of this day. Oh, yes, it does get worse!
In the meantime of all this, the day before, I had been offered a job in a town that is the half-way point between my house now and my hometown. Obviously, I would not be taking it, but on this day, the thought crossed my mind.
I could take the job, move closer to my extended family, and see my husband on the weekends when he was off. Why am I in an unfamiliar town away from home anyway? It wouldn't hurt my marriage to move away from my husband. Heck, I could probably see him just as much if I moved...YEAH, RIGHT!!!
Do you see how the enemy snuck right on in and attacked me while I was down???
Yes, he did---and I was going for it!!!
I was mad!!!
What do you do in these situations?
Do you call all of your friends and rally the troops?
In all honesty, that is exactly what I did. I rallied the troops (which is NOT okay). Well, one friend and one family member. I was on a rant. They listened. They agreed with some of the things I said and disagreed with others, but mainly they were on my side. But then a curious thing happened: My husband made a long distance call to me. As soon as I heard his voice, tension melted away. I cried. I told him about my horrible day. I confessed my thoughts. His thoughts on the subject: no, I don't want you to move and I'm sorry I'm not there and let's pray about this.
Man, am I thankful for a husband that prays!!!

I am also very thankful for God's perfect timing! His time is NOT our time. Life is seasonal. Remember that when you are overwhelmed with a toddler or a deployment. Neither of those lasts. Pretty soon you'll be looking at a teenage child and retirement will be here faster than you know. This day in my life was rough, but I took two things from it:
1. Emotions happen, cry out to Jesus.
2. Trust in the Lord.

Oh, and the moron that I was behind: while he did enrage me, that is EXACTLY where I was supposed to be. At the time, I thought he was the spawn of satan, but God could have placed him there to protect me from my hurried driving---He makes ALL things work together for the good of those that love Him in Christ Jesus!!!

Thankful

Do you struggle with depression?
Loneliness?
Feeling sorry for yourself? your situation?
Can't get moving?
Negative thinking?

I hope you don't struggle with any of these things.
But, if sometimes you do...or ALL the time you do...please, read on! OR even if you don't, the following is for EVERYONE!!!
We go through many seasons in life--both good and bad. You are NOT alone!

As a wife of a military man, I find myself thinking negatively quite often.
Deployments do not get easier with time. In fact, I think they get harder every time.
And when all you see is the negative--OMGoodness!!! Negativity is an EASY road to follow, but
as Christ followers, we are to be like-minded as Him. Do you think He only sees the negative?
"Let this mind be in you, which is also in Christ Jesus"-Philippians 2:5.

I really don't like my thought patterns at times and I have found myself allowing a thought to snowball into ideas that I should never think. My mind often drifts down the "what-if" road...The Bible says that we are to take captive every thought---especially these! "Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5.

So, the question is: "How do we change this pattern?"

Well, have I got a revelation for you!!!
Actually, it's not mine to give, but I would love to share it!
I recently read a book entitled "1,000 Gifts", by Ann Voskamp.
This is a book written in poetic prose about thanksgiving--not the holiday, but the act.
Being thankful.
In essence, this book is about a journey of thanksgiving, begun by a challenge to write 1,000 things she (the author) is thankful for.
It is an AWESOME read.

Can you think of 1,000 things you are thankful for?
The Bible is FILLED with verses addressing thanksgiving.
My favorite: "In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you"
-1 Thessalonians 5:18.
There are even verses talking about a "sacrifice of thanksgiving".
Are there times being thankful would actually be a sacrifice for you? A sacrifice of your time, maybe?

From "1,000 Gifts": The Greek word for "thanks" in this verse (1 Thess) is "eucharisteo". Eucharisteo means to be grateful, to show gratitude. The root word in eucharisteo is "charis", which means grace, gift, favour, pleasure. Charis is a derivitive of the Greek word "chara", which means JOY:)

Do you get it? JOY? Thanksgiving? Eucharisteo?
Can I get an AMEN???
Did you just have a light bulb moment? I certainly did the first time I read this book!!!

Give thanks!!!
God, thank you for your many blessings. Thank you for the warm sun on my face. Thank you for the roof over my family. Thank you for protecting my husband! Thank you for the rain! Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins! You owe me nothing---I owe you EVERYTHING!

I challenged my Bible study group to write some things they were thankful for as a military wife.
I wrote 100.
Some of the things I am thankful for (military wise) are strictly situationally related.
For instance, I am thankful for some places we have been, due to my husband traveling there and taking us with him; otherwise, these are places we never would have been able to go.
I hope you can find some inspiration from these:

1. Homecomings
2. meeting different people from all over the world
3. Camaraderie
4. sense of pride in not only my husband, but for what he stands for and fights for
5. New York City
6. Tucson
7. Tricare
8. BAH
9. Commissary
10. PX
11. block leave
12. my husband in uniform;)
13. stable income
14. housing
15. Family Readiness Group
16. tax free deployment pay
17. job security
18. being able to be a stay-at-home-mom
19. Post 9/11 G.I. Bill
20. Scholarships--MyCAA
21. Certification transferability
22. military discounts
23. our family has become more athletic
24. VA loans
25. USAA
26. My husband can attend college for free.
27. Backwards planning
28. skype
29. long-distance phone calls
30. hand-written letters
31. unexpected flower deliveries
32. TSP
33. Destin
34. Cabin #13
35. Marriage retreats
36. free tax services
37. screened in porches
38. sky diving
39. rocky mountain climbing (Yes, just like the Tim McGraw song--we did both of these:)
40. 5k
41. mud run
42. crossfit
43. retirement dreams
44. midnight talks
45. encouragement
46. the way John Denver's "God Bless the U.S.A." takes on a whole new meaning
47. motivation
48. being away from extended family--which has drawn us closer together
49. familiar faces
50. broadened vocabulary
51. history lessons
52. geography lessons
53. appreciation for where you came from...
54. Disney
55. 0500 coffee time:)
56. bonuses
57. retirement at such a young age
58. opportunities to begin again
59. trying new things
60. flying
61. museums
62. new rank
63. ceremonies
64. competitions
65. Christmases at home
66. Birthdays together
67. military style haircuts
68. chaplains
69. new friends
70. old friends
71. solitude (sometimes:)
72. freedom
73. endurance
74. the butterflies that I get in my belly when I see him for the first time, in a long time:)
75. clean shaven face
76. when I don't have to pump my own gas
77. hearing cadence
78. seeing a formation
79. flying a flag
80. my nice car
81. the bond shared between fellow military wives
82. dental insurance
83. survival skills
84. employment services
85. National Anthem
86. standing at attention
87. parachute's falling
88. absence making the heart grow fonder
89. discipline
90. schedules
91. graduations
92. demonstrations
93. finding your own way
94. confidence
95. three and four day weekends
96. the example he is setting for our children
97. honor
98. support
99. community
100. resiliency

Deployments suck. Separation from our spouses in any vicinity sucks, BUT there are things we can be thankful for during those times. Be thankful for time to grow closer to your family. Be thankful when the phone rings from overseas. Be thankful for the internet, that supplies the e-mails you will receive. Be thankful for the pay check that pays the internet bill! We can change our perspective:) Be thankful!